​The Laguna Chronicles
How to kiss Bliss, or Where ignorance isn't bliss.

The BIG KAHUNA

At the risk of being accused of shameless self-promotion, let me tell you a litte bit about Me...  The Big Kahuna!  It was a chilly August morning in 1997.  The wet sand caked on the soles of my sneakers as I approached the Lifeguard Tower standing lone sentry over Laguna Beach.......

But first, MY WORDS OF WISDOM:
TAKE YOUR VITAMINS  Every day.  Period.
WALK THE DOG  It will be good for him.
SIT UP STRAIGHT  Never be accussed of slouching.
WALK THE DOG  It will be good for you.
BE SINCERE  If you can fake that, you got it made!
WALK THE DOG  You'll regret it if you don't.
BRUSH YOUR TEETH  If you want to keep them.
AND
SAY YOUR PRAYERS...         A L O H A !

Surf City Saga

The Surfing Championships were less than a week away but I had a lot of other things on my mind.  Two competitors had met their fate at "The Boneyard" earlier that day and the thought of climbing back on my board was a little less than appetizing.  The swells from that off-shore storm meant that the surf at Huntington Beach (Surf City) would be enourmous.  But what was I to do?.......

Nobody back home even knew the real reason why I had left for California.  They all thought it was a "business trip".  Yeah, some business!  But, what can you possibly say to people to make them understand the lure of the perfect wave?  The Siren Song of the Surf repetitively pounding the shore?

Laguna Beach Tower

Scenic Laguna

The dudes I was supposed to meet for a pick-up game of hoops on the beach-side courts had never showed up this morning.  So, I grabbed a newspaper and a smoothie at the gas station across from the beach and settled in on a bench by the boardwalk to catch up on the news and the views.  It wasn't long before two of the regulars, Cindy and Monika, arrived.  "What's goin' on, man?" asked Cindy. "Yeah, what's new?" chimed in Monika. "Not much." I said, not really wanting to get into what was bugging me.

"Same here." they responded, in near-perfect harmony, then giggled.
I had nick-names for Cindy and Monika, just like I had for all the babes in Laguna Beach.  Oh, there was "Sweet Lips" and "Honey Lips" and, of course, who could forget "Candy Lips" or "Sugar Lips".  Ahh,...So many women.  So little time!
Laguna Beach is an artists colony.  Always has been, I guess, ever since it was first founded in the early 1920's.  There are lots of art galleries and studios.
"I always wanted to be an artist" I thought to myself, as I fingered my surfer beads...

Cindy and Monika

  The Road to Nipomo

The Big Kahuna

"Hey Johnson!"  He yelled.  Well, you can call me "Johnson". After all, where did you think the term came from, anyway?

"Ha, ha, very funny", said The Janek, only half serious in his demeanor as he pointed to the car.  "You know, we've got a lot of things to do today, besides worrying about things we can't possibly control".  He was right, of course (as he usually is), but I just couldn't get the thought of those "killer" waves off of my mind.  I had to see them for myself!  What if they're really that big?

So, as we headed up the Pacific Coast Highway, all I knew is that we were headed toward some God-forsaken place named "Nipomo".  I didn't even know what a "Nipomo" was, nevermind where to find one!

But Janek was on a mission and I knew I'd soon find out what it was all about.  After all,  "Nipomo" was still in California, wasn't it?  I mean, just how far off of the Pac-Coast Highway could it possibly be?  I knew that as long as we kept the Pacific Ocean on our left-hand side, at least we wouldn't end up in Tijuana!

Bailing out...

Long live Surf City!

The long fishing pier at Huntington Beach was jammed with spectators craning their necks to get a better view of the surfers, who were maneuvering their boards in the swells as they tried to get in just the right position to catch the next big wave.  Yet another day of preliminaries for those "would be" competitors trying to make the final cut in one of the qualifying rounds.
"I sure am glad I don't have to be out there today" I said to Janek as we drove past the seemingly endless beach, heading north towards Sunset and then Long Beach, on the way to Nipomo.  "Yeah" he replied "What a drag.  Say, do you want to stop for lunch?  I'm getting pretty hungry. How about you?" 

The Long Beach Diner

The best orange juice I ever had was served to me in a big plastic tumbler by a waitress at the Long Beach Diner on Ocean Boulevard.

Those Valencia oranges are numero uno, man.  I mean, it just doesn't get any better.  I'm sure that all those blonde Valkyries must be serving the stuff in Valhalla.

"One more for the road!" I declared, raising my glass to signal the waitress for another round. "Then it's on to Redondo Beach!"

Ocean Boulevard - Long Beach

Redondo Beach

I once heard of a guy named Ralf Barton Perry who participated in the Real Ripe Red Raspberry Rolling Relay Race of Redondo Beach.  But, when I got there, I couldn't find anyone who had ever heard of him.

The story had been told to me by a Scottish lad, Oddly Strange, who claimed to have been Ralf's caddy for the big event, declaring that Ralf was a master with his niblick.  Or, was it his mashie-niblick?

It's a story that I will always relish.  Or, was it mustard and relish?

Yeah, I always wanted to be an artist. It was during that Laguna Beach summer that I decided what I really wanted to do with the rest of my life.

Now, after four long years at the Rhode Island School of Design, I can finally consider myself a legitimate artist.  So, why not take a peek inside my Image Gallery.  Perhaps you'll find a little bit of the tropics you'll want to call your own.

And, yes.  Janek and I did eventually make it to Nipomo.......

And, Walk the Dog!

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